Best of Both Rogues Page 15

  “He will not tell anyone else, and I will not tell a soul. You have no reason to be embarrassed or worried.” Ben slid his arm around her shoulders, and she stiffened. She didn’t want his sympathy or to pretend they shared the same intimacy they’d had before.

  Hot tears of mortification built at the back of her throat, and she eased from his embrace. “Perhaps I did not want you to know.” Old hurts rose to the surface, as raw as the day Ben left her. “I suppose you are pleased to have your opinion supported.”

  “What opinion?” He drew back with a puzzled frown. “I don’t take your meaning.”

  She swallowed hard to keep her tears at bay. She refused to cry in front of him. Steeling herself, she boldly met his gaze. “You found something lacking in me two years ago, and now Sir Jonathan has as well. Congratulations. You have been vindicated.”

  “Balderdash!” His vehement denial made her flinch. “My leaving was a result of my own failings. Not yours. And you are not to blame for what Hackberry has done.” He took her book, tossed it on the bench, then captured her hand before she could scoot away. “Do you truly think I came to gloat? I lost the best part of my life when I lost you. Not a day has passed that I haven’t regretted my actions.”

  She rolled her eyes. For two years, he had never even written. She was no fool. His life had gone on as right as rain without her.

  “It is true.” He gently clasped her chin to make her look at him. His intense blue eyes held her entranced and caused a quiver deep in her belly. “I’ve been miserable without you, Evie. I would do anything to have you back again. I want what we had.”

  Her resolve to harden her heart toward him wavered. She wet her lips, distrustful of the small flicker of hope trying to ignite inside her. She would have to be mad to place her faith in him again.

  “If what we had was so special, why did you leave the church?”

  * * *

  Eve’s voice was deadly calm and sent a frisson of panic to Ben’s heart. He dropped his hand to his side.

  “I—my nerves got the best of me,” he said. This was the closest he could come to the truth without humiliating himself, but he regretted his answer at once. The stricken look in her eyes ripped him apart.

  “You doubted us? I always believed when one met his match, he knew it was right. I never once doubted you had been meant for me.”

  “I didn’t doubt you, Evie. Or us.”

  “You did. You just admitted as much.”

  “No, it wasn’t like that.”

  She wrapped her arms around herself and hugged tightly. Her gaze fixed on something across the garden. She wouldn’t even look at him.

  Damnation! Ben bent forward, propping his elbows on his thighs and cradling his head in his hands. He had known getting rid of Hackberry wouldn’t win him a place in Eve’s heart, but what if she never let him in again? The emptiness inside him grew more vast and bleak as silence stretched between them. His chest ached. He should probably go, but he didn’t know how to say good-bye.

  Eventually, he sat up, defeated. “I’m sorry, Evie. I never meant to hurt you.”

  She reached for his hand, cradling it between her palms. Her deep brown eyes shimmered in the afternoon sunlight. “Tell me what it was like. I want to understand. You can be honest with me. Please.”

  He closed his eyes and drew in a shaky breath. Experience told him she was sincere. She would listen without judgment, but he didn’t know how to put what had happened on their wedding day into words.

  He’d been unprepared for the onslaught of fear that hit him. It had started with a small confession to his brother as they stood in the church vestibule, waiting for Eve’s arrival. I never thought I would be this happy again.

  The admission had unlocked his memories of Charlotte—memories of the day she died that he never allowed himself to remember. Suddenly, he’d become terrified of losing everything again. He feared his happiness would be snatched from him. If not now—or the next day or week or month—then someday Eve would die too. Or he would go first. The thought of their separation had made his heart squeeze painfully over and over until he couldn’t breathe properly.

  His pulse sped even now, and a tremor raced through him.

  “Ben?” Eve pressed his hand between hers, her touch becoming an anchor to keep him from drifting too far into the past. “Tell me what happened on our wedding day.”

  He opened his eyes and exhaled. “I barely understand it myself. My chest felt like it was being crushed, and I couldn’t catch my breath.”

  “Why didn’t you tell anyone? We could have summoned the doctor.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t know. I couldn’t think properly. All I could think about was escaping.”

  She gasped softly.

  “Not from you,” he rushed to explain, “but from the horrible sense that I was dying. I’d finally found happiness and I was not going to be allowed to keep it.”

  “Ben.” Tears filled her eyes and she brought his hand to her lips. The warmth of her kiss seeped through his glove. “You could have told me. All this time…”

  They had lost precious time because of him.

  Eve reached out to caress his cheek, her fingers trailing along his jawline. “All this time I knew something had gone wrong. I believed you were coming back for so long. I regret giving up too soon. I’m so sorry.”

  She needn’t say more. It was too late, just as he’d feared. Still, he couldn’t leave without taking a chance and telling her what was in his heart. “I love you, Eve. I desire you for my wife. I long for a family with you, a home. I want to keep you safe and happy until we are gray and our backs are bent from old age. I want my last breath to be a promise to love you for all eternity, because I will. I will love you forever.”

  She covered her heart with both hands as tears fell on her cheeks. “I want a life with you too. That is all I have ever wanted.”

  Ben brushed his thumb over her cheek to wipe away her tears. “Still?”

  She nodded, the tears coming more quickly.

  His throat grew thick with emotion. He slid from the bench to kneel at her feet and held both of her hands. She smiled encouragingly. “Miss Thorne, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

  She pulled free of his hold to capture his face between her palms and leaned down so they were eye to eye. “Yes,” she whispered.

  Cupping her nape, he drew her toward him for a kiss. Warm, moist lips met his, and her breath hitched. Ben slid onto the bench beside her, his arms circling her waist. She melted against him as he gently explored her mouth with his tongue. When she sighed and opened for him, he groaned and dragged her closer.

  A small thud brought them back to the garden. Their lips broke apart, but Ben didn’t release her, and she didn’t release him either.

  He grinned. “I think we knocked over your box of sweets. You did not answer earlier. Do you still like lemon drops?”

  “I rarely come to dislike something I’ve learned to love.”

  “Lucky for me.”

  Her smile lit him from within. “Lucky for me too.”

  He placed a featherlight kiss on her lips before retrieving the box from the grass.

  As she accepted his gift, her gaze flicked toward the town house and a small line appeared between her brows.

  “What is it?” Ben looked up to discover Sebastian Thorne at an upper window, glowering at them. Ben suppressed a sigh.

  Eve’s brother would not make things easy for him when they negotiated the marriage contract this time. He would want to ensure Ben received his lumps for breaking the first one, but Ben would endure as many awkward encounters as were required of him. As long as he had Eve by his side in the end, it was worth it.

  “I believe your brother is requesting an audience. Shall we?” Standing, he offered his arm to lead her inside.

 
; Eighteen

  Eve thought her brother was surprisingly calm considering he had just caught her and Ben in a compromising position. Sebastian’s face was red and he spoke with a clenched jaw, but there wasn’t murder burning in his dark gaze. She took that as a positive sign.

  She and Ben sat side by side on the settee in the drawing room while Sebastian stood behind Helena’s chair, gripping the back as if he wished to rip the cushion to pieces.

  Helena had just returned from a visit to Lady Eldridge to inform her that Eve and Jonathan would not be marrying. Her round eyes were larger than usual. “My, I can barely stay abreast of the happenings around here today.”

  Mama sat in a chair closest to Eve. She rested her chin in her propped-up hand as if holding up her head required too much energy. A twinge of guilt vibrated through Eve. She hated that her mother had to bear up to one more scandal.

  “You will marry by special license,” Sebastian bit out. “We will not have a repeat of the last debacle.”

  Ben reached for Eve’s hand and squeezed reassuringly. “As I mentioned a few moments ago, before I arrived I completed the application at the Doctors’ Commons to expedite the process.”

  “Rather presumptuous of you,” Sebastian said with an imperious lift to his brow.

  “I was merely hopeful your sister would accept me. I thought it best to marry quickly rather than draw more attention to our unusual circumstances by having the banns cried.”

  “Based on observations, I have no doubt you are in a hurry.” Sebastian’s glower seemed to be a warning to keep his hands to himself until the vows were spoken. “Have you given any thought to how you will weather this latest scandal?”

  “Now, Sebastian,” Mama said, “you don’t know how the ton will react. A love match is a rare enough occurrence to warrant some leeway. I imagine they will easily forgive our Evie for following her heart.”

  Eve smiled at her mother, knowing Mama would defend her or Sebastian no matter what wrong they had committed.

  Sebastian nodded. “Perhaps, Mother. We will know soon enough, and if a retreat to the country is necessary, we can proceed with our plans to retire to Scotland as soon as Parliament adjourns. Eve and Mr. Hillary will join us.”

  Ben’s hand tightened around hers and he met her gaze, his blue eyes earnest. “Eve and I will decide together how best to weather any scandal.”

  Not Sebastian deciding her fate. Not Ben alone, but she and Ben together. Whatever traces of wariness she’d held on to because of his past betrayal evaporated. “Perhaps an extended honeymoon on the Continent would be just the thing until the gossips become bored,” she said.

  Ben grinned. “I did promise to take you any place you like.”

  She hadn’t thought a honeymoon trip would be possible as of yesterday, but now her life seemed filled with exciting possibilities. She couldn’t help beaming at her husband-to-be.

  The hardness in Sebastian’s eyes faded, and the corners of his mouth turned up slightly. “I trust you will take good care of her on this trip, Hillary.”

  “We will take good care of each other,” Eve piped up.

  Ben nodded slightly, his smile widening. “And I will protect her with my life. She will want for nothing. You have my word.”

  “I will hold you to your promise.” Sebastian circled the chair and came to stand in front of Eve. “Is this truly what you want? You needn’t accept Hillary’s offer out of concern that this may be your last chance to marry.”

  Ben’s sudden fierce scowl made her laugh.

  “Yes, Bastian. This is what I want. And subtlety is not your best quality.”

  “I never claimed it was.” He winked at Eve. “Very well. Follow me, Mr. Hillary. We have a contract to discuss.”

  * * *

  The second time Ben and Eve’s brother negotiated a contract, Ben agreed to every contingency Thorne added to the agreement. One might think the baron would soften toward him. He didn’t.

  “If you hurt her again,” Thorne hissed through clenched teeth, “I will kill you.”

  Ben smiled politely. He didn’t blame Eve’s brother for not trusting him, nor would he begrudge the man the right to commit murder if Ben caused Eve more pain. “I will go say my good-byes to Miss Thorne until tomorrow.”

  A message from Ben’s man of business had arrived half an hour earlier while he and Thorne were sequestered in the baron’s study. The license had been granted quickly, thanks to his father’s connections, and a response to Ben’s inquiry had arrived from Mr. Cooper. The clergyman who’d supported Eve after Ben’s departure agreed to wed them tomorrow.

  The baron shook his hand and offered a “Congratulations” before dismissing him.

  Ben had given the situation with Hackberry some thought in Thorne’s study. There was a chance Eve might hear rumors of Hackberry leaving on one of Ben’s ships, and he didn’t want her learning about it from someone else. He hoped she could see he had acted out of desperation rather than any malicious intent.

  Eve was alone in the drawing room. She closed the book she was reading and stared up at him with worry lines etched between her brows. “Did Sebastian behave?”

  “He did as any good brother should.” Ben joined her on the settee. “All the arrangements have been made for tomorrow. Are you certain you do not mind having the wedding at Hillary House?”

  “The gardens are lovely. I am more than pleased with your father’s offer to exchange our vows there.”

  “Splendid.” He swept a lock of her dark hair behind her ear, his fingers tracing the gentle curve of the rim. “I wanted to talk a moment about Sir Jonathan.”

  She sat up straight and swiveled toward him. “Thank goodness. I wanted to introduce the topic, but I was uncertain how you would respond. Something he said has begun to concern me. You repeated the same words, which makes me think he said them to you as well.”

  “Oh?” Ben’s stomach pitched. He couldn’t fathom where the conversation was headed, but he feared he wouldn’t like where it was going. “What did he say?”

  “Several times he said he wanted me to be safe and happy. I understood his concern about my happiness. After all, he was jilting me. But I couldn’t figure out why he seemed concerned about my safety or making sure I had a protector.” She leaned toward him, her hand lightly gripping his arm. “Do you remember there was a man following us the other day?”

  “Yes, why do you ask?” Wariness crept into his voice.

  She bit her bottom lip and gazed at him as if considering whether she should proceed. “Do you think Sir Jonathan may be in trouble? I had the sense he thought he was protecting me by ending our association.”

  “Eve…”

  “I know it sounds fanciful, but please hear me out. His strange behavior, his repeated wishes for my safety, the man following us.” She ticked off each observation on her fingers. “It is all adding up. I feel certain he is in some kind of scrape and needs our help.”

  Neither of them had any business poking around in Hackberry’s life. He’d warned Ben to forget he’d ever known him. “I am certain Sir Jonathan can handle any trouble he might have on his own. He does not require our help.”

  “So he is in trouble. What did he tell you? Is it gambling? Or perhaps he stole a valuable antiquity. Maybe someone is trying to steal an antiquity he uncovered.” Her gestures grew more animated. “What if someone wants him to return to the Tigris and uncover something of value? Perhaps he is in someone’s debt and feels honor bound to do his bidding. What are your thoughts?”

  He chuckled under his breath. “I think you make trouble sound like a grand adventure. Sir Jonathan spoke very little about his personal life, other than he likes to keep it private. I think it would be wise for us to honor his wishes and stay out of his affairs.”

  She wrinkled her nose. “Well, if you did not want to meddle in his affairs, why di
d you bring up his name?”

  Ah, yes. Here it was. The moment Ben must admit he’d behaved like a jackass, but it was better that she hear the truth from him. He captured her hand and held it against his lips, savoring the softness of her skin, stalling. “Please, don’t hate me, Evie.”

  Her smile faded. “I’ve never liked conversations that begin with those words. And just to be clear, you might anger me sometimes, but I’m incapable of hating you.”

  He hoped that was true. “There is—” He cleared his throat. “I have done something distasteful for which I can offer no excuses, except to say I was desperate over the thought of losing you.”

  She froze, not even blinking. He could almost see the wheels turning in her head, her imagination creating all sorts of nefarious possibilities. Whether his action was better or worse than the imagined infraction remained to be seen.

  “I meant what I said earlier about being bereft these last two years,” he said. “I couldn’t fathom spending a lifetime that way, so I bribed Hackberry to put an end to your betrothal. It was impulsive and I regretted it at once, but he accepted.”

  Color drained from her cheeks.

  He rushed to explain. “I intended it as a test. I had no real thought that he would accept, although I should have realized. He seemed more interested in his studies than being a husband to you, and you deserve much more.”

  He held out a hand to her, but she backed away, fire snapping in her brown eyes. “You bought me? Like livestock?”

  “No!” God, no! “Living without you has been hell. I wanted it to end.”

  She crossed her arms. “When did you make the offer to Sir Jonathan? Last night after the dinner party? I suppose he suspected I wanted to cry off.”

  Ben flinched. If Hackberry had suspected she wanted to end their association, surely he wouldn’t have ended it himself. “He couldn’t have known. That was our agreement. He was to make you want to cry off. I could not put you through any more embarrassment or hurt. This wasn’t part of our plan.”